Jennifer (miss_hellfire) wrote,
Jennifer
miss_hellfire

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motivation

Plans to move out are coming on apace. I have a flat viewing later today. It's quite expensive and it's not in the best area, so I've not got my hopes pinned on it, but it's as good a flat as any to get the whole moving-out ball rolling and let my parents know that I'm serious.

Mum is working with me now. That's fine; we email each other and I go down to talk to her and Jess on my breaks. Not a problem. But working with Mum and living with Mum is already too much, and it's only been going on for a month. She has been so exhausted, having been out of the 9-to-5 for about twenty-five years (bloody hell) that she's been going to bed at crazily early times and banning me from exercising after that time because it wakes her up. It's driving me nuts. I'm also getting sick of having my meals and mealtimes planned for me, and only being able to have what I want when Dad is out. I can't tell him to stop cooking for me, because it'd really upset him. He sees it as one of the things that he does to be helpful, especially now that he's the only one without full-time occupation. I need my independence. If that means I'm criminally short of money, fine. My sudden penchant for expensive clothes needs nipping in the bud as soon as possible anyway, before I start considering it a necessity and claiming, like Jess does, that I can't afford to move out (she can afford to move out. Three hundred quid a month will get you a shared house with all bills included).

I want my own place. That's much more important to me than a car. I want somewhere that's mine, where shelving isn't rationed and communal areas aren't conflicts of personal taste. I want to invite people over when I want to see them, not whenever the house happens to be empty.

I am meeting a shiny new person off t'internet this evening, and am in the process of arranging to meet another one. But I've pushed romance down a few places on my priority list. I don't want to end up with a "just because" again, so even though it feels like the whole world is coupled up at the moment, I shall remain cheerfully single, prioritising my job, my hypothetical flat, my travel possibilities, all that stuff, until I get knocked off my feet. No more settling, which may mean a longer wait, but I can deal with that. I'm happy now. I'd like to stay happy.

I have contact lenses in. I got them on Wednesday. They've been fine so far, but my right eye is protesting at the moment, for reasons I cannot work out. Grrr. I have to be out the door in half an hour.

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